Silence and Cold-Shoulder Approach – Silent Killers of Relationships

They say that silence is better than an argument, because it will avoid more trouble which is possible, if both are speaking. Many people will say it is, and some will say it isn’t. Most of the times, we express what we feel or what we wanted to say to the person concerned, however, other people, especially men, choose to stay silent in times of conflicts or misunderstandings.

There are many kinds of relationship; employer-employee, partnerships, parent-child relationship, etc., but here, I will deal with the basic, the man and wife’s.

Usually, at the beginning of relationship before marriage, there is already that bonding in between two persons. The “knowing me” stage is in progress but the exposure of one’s personality is just skin deep, or maybe deeper, but the control factor is strong.

Marriage is a bit different, because here, they are together day and night. Little things about each other show, one way or another. The control factor is slipping away everyday because familiarity is starting to grow. These small things might be good, or the opposite; habits, mannerisms, likes, dislikes, and other things are revealed. More than these traits mentioned are the attitudes when something happens, especially in times of misunderstandings or conflicts, which is normal in a relationship.

Usually, it is the man who keeps his silence after some attempts of explaining; the wife is allowed to express her sentiments but in deaf ears, maybe the situation is the other way around; the man is the one talking and the wife is not; or, another scene, both are in a shouting match. Which is better? Nothing is. Why? Silence is not good, so does, the shouting.

When one of the partners uses silence for whatever reasons he or she has, the result is not good; he or she is bottling something that are not expressed. This ‘something’ if kept for long will hamper the bonds; it will ‘eat up’ the insides of both; the one who is silent, and the one who is given the cold shoulder.

That is why, in my other articles, I wrote about having house rules at the very start of marriage or even before that; maybe like a pre-nuptial agreement. The bonds of the relationship will be tested during these ‘trials.” The man and wife’s relationship might grow stronger, or it might be the start of loosening the tie.

Here are some tips which can help ‘ease’ the situation if it comes:

· Break the silence. After some time, a few hours maybe (but not a day, it might be too long for reconciliation), just Silencil a simple greeting to break the ice like “Hi, are you okay?”

· Swallow your pride. This is the worst enemy of everyone, this culprit called “pride.” Don’t let it become a wall between you. Be the first one to greet (any of you two).

· Talk like you’re the best of friends. When the water is cool, grab the chance to straighten things out. It is not a duty of one but the commitment of both. Remember, never count each one’s shortcomings, but talk about what causes the conflict. Both are just getting to know each other well. Let each one feel that arguments and misunderstandings are part of the process. Talking like best friends allow each other to express what one wanted and needed.

· Don’t let the sun sets on your quarrels. This is a worn line but true and effective. Don’t let an argument separate you from each other; in meals and especially, in sleep. New married couple reaches the deepest level of commitment during the time when their body unites. It is not just sex, but the union of body, heart and mind…even soul, as the romantic ones would say.

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